Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

Therapists Uncut Podcast

Oct 5, 2020


It’s not uncommon to occasionally “vomit” our own bad mood onto others, but just how are you supposed to avoid this? Our moods are ever changing, but despite whatever mood we may be in we are in we are each responsible for how we choose to respond to our feelings. The T-Uncut co-hosts share their rules of engagement on how not to be an a**hole when dealing with a bad mood.  

Learn tips on how to recognize patterns in what triggers you, how to be assertive without making a**hole moves, and how to be controlled when responding to the a**holes in your life.


Maybe you just got bad news, walked away from a heated argument, spent 3 hours in traffic. Maybe it doesn’t even feel like there’s a rhyme or reason as to why your mood feels like crap, but when it does show up, how well are you handling it?

Nikki Young, Jolene Daly, and Alyssa Najera share their personal tips on how not be an asshole when you’re dealing with a bad mood.

“I have to acknowledge, at times, I am the asshole. . .” Jolene Daly

Examples of Asshole moves

  • Getting crabby with a waitress or waiter in a restaurant
  • When something’s not going right and you attribute to the person in front of you (AKA taking it out on someone else).
  • Letting personal stuff coming our at work with your co-worker or in your customer service

Let’s be honest. Most of us probably fall into either the (1) I’m typically the a**hole or (2) I’m typically the one dealing with a**holes. Our moods are ever changing, but despite whatever mood we may be in, we are each responsible for how we choose to respond to our feelings.  

How not to be an A**hole  101

  • Practice self awareness and be aware of your triggers: What kind situations and/or personalities typically result in you feeling upset or annoyed
  • Notice what other important people in your life would say about how you control your emotions
  • Be open to listening to feedback

“Today is about challenging yourself in noticing what patterns do you notice in what ticks you off and asking yourself how you usually respond to those patterns .. and if it’s something that works, Great! But if it’s something that’s not working and you’re kind of the asshole in the group, what do you want to do about it?” – Alyssa Najera

“It’s okay to be angry. It’s Okay to be irritable. It’s okay to be off. IT’s okay to have that mood . . . but let’s just look at how we handle ourselves.” – Nikki Young

Consider how your behaviors and emotional responses are impacting those around you and especially those who are important to you.

Tips on ways to avoid being an asshole

  • Remembering, “I have 100% control over my behaviors when someone else is communicating with me in a poor way. I don’t then in turn get to say, ‘well, I’m going to treat you look crap because you’re treating me like crap.’ ” – Jolene Daly
  • You are the only one responsible for how you feel, choose how you’re going to respond.
  • Don’t take other people’s behaviors personally.
  • Remember to see the human being in front of you.
  • When you mess up, be accountable for your behavior and APOLOGIZE.
  • Take an adult time-out and communicate how long you need
  • Use a form of Non-Violent Communication
    • Step 1: State the observable fact.
    • Step 2: State how I feel.
    • Step 3. State what I need or reasonable request.
  • If you have poor communication habits, break them and make a new habit by trying “over and over and over again.”

Useful Links

Thanks for Listening!

Feel free to subscribe to our show and share this episode. Know that we appreciate your feedback, please consider leaving a review on iTunes and subscribe!